[vc_row][vc_column][vc_tabs][vc_tab title=”Listen Now: Gotta Tear it Down to Build it Better ” tab_id=”1508786094-1-95fdc1-4114″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1513956408523{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”][/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1511817775452{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]In this episode, I speak with Danya Shea, who goes by “Shea” about her self-awareness journey. As a well-respected entrepreneur and avid supporter of forward-thinking founders and leaders, Shea usually looks like she has it all together – because she’s a bad-ass. But she wants you to know that there’s a lot happening under the surface and that anybody you meet who seems to really have it all together has probably put years into both tearing down and building up their own self-concept. Shea tells us how listening to her body has enabled her to be more effective in difficult situations, and how becoming aware of subconscious narratives empowers us to tell a different story.[/vc_column_text][/vc_tab][vc_tab title=”View Transcript ” tab_id=”1508786094-2-81fdc1-4114″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1511817580827{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]Intro:
[:25]Laura: In this episode of Unlock Your Potential, I talk with the ineffable Danya Shea. Shea and I crossed paths as we each supported the entrepreneurial community here in Orlando, FL. We clicked instantly because it was clear that we had shared values. One of my goals, part of my purpose in my life, is to create more connected communities, and I wanted to create a space where people could come together and cut through all the BS and small talk, get real and be authentic. But not everybody has the same idea of what it means to be authentic….so I wanted to create a base curriculum for this shared community – a shared language and a shared understanding through shared experiences – so I manifested Leading a Grounded Life, a 7-week series that’s all about “you.” There were a handful of people, names that sprang to mind immediately when I thought about creating this community, and Shea’s name was at the top of that list, as she is somebody who is always looking for how she can become a better version of herself, and better serve others in the community. I asked her to come onto the show and talk about her self-awareness journey and how Leading a Grounded Life played into it. Without further adieu, here is my interview with Danya Shea…
LAURA: Alright, welcome to the show. I would love to have you, as our guest, introduce yourself to our listeners.
DANYA: Yeah. Thank you so much. I’m really happy to be here. So, I am Danya Shea and I am kind of affectionately call myself a chief activator, so I’m really interested in where there are these, like, latent resources or underdeveloped or underused talents that are, like, right at the surface and they could come together and something great can happen. And so the context that I usually do that in is with Forward Thinking Founders and Forward Thinking Leaders. And normally in the context of entrepreneurship and innovation. So, I’m doing that with the UCF College of business and the Center for Entrepreneurial Leadership. At their Blackstone launch pad, I’m working with student founders.
[2:28]
LAURA: Excellent.
DANYA: Yeah, it’s a lot of fun. And also with my company, Fervrworks. And so, Fervrworks, we’re working with stage two companies, so five million annual revenue and above, usually, who are kind of going to the next growth phase.
LAURA: Nice.
DANYA: Yeah. Taking more market share.
LAURA: Okay. And so, I, I’m familiar with your customer empathy framework, but can you share a little bit more about that?
DANYA: Yeah! How much time do we have?
LAURA: Her whole face just lit up, everybody.
DANYA: So, my business partner, Bryan Noel, and I were working together for a couple of years and I was working as like a chief marketing officer for hire and he’s working as chief branding officer for hire and sales consultant and we kept bringing each other in on these projects. And we were normally brought in pretty downstream, like the problem tended to be we were taking market share for a long time and now we’ve kind of plateaued, we’ve hit this glass ceiling, and we think we have a marketing problem or a sales problem or a branding problem. And so Bryan and I kept bringing each other in on these projects and we kind of noticed that we started using, like, the same tools, the same solutions over and over but we were brought in very downstream and so it was really hard to affect change, you know, downstream. So, so we got together and we were like, “You know, first off, the consultancy model probably isn’t for us” and we wanted to try a new business model so we thought, “I wonder if there’s some sort of, like, replicable product here, framework, that applies to everyone?” So we spent about a year engineering this empathy-based framework and then we spent another year testing this empathy framework with C Suite*, you know, and the leaders and the core leadership team to see if we could actually scale empathy throughout an organization, specifically unto market acquisition and talent retention.
LAURA: Wow.
DANYA: So, that’s, that’s where Fervrworks was born.
LAURA: Oh, that’s excellent. Do you want to say anything about, uh, the company that you worked with, uh, for your, your case study?
DANYA: Oh, absolutely. So, our outfit testing company was Rip-It Sporting Goods and this is Jason Polstein and Matthew Polstein’s company. We were actually brought in by the director of demand generation, um, and then the director of product development kind of ended up being like our core champion inside the organization.
LAURA: Nice.
DANYA: So it was really like this whole team embracing of empathy. And we started working with them, kind of with the downstream problem, um demand generation, and when, when we said, “You know, I think the better solution is an entire re-approach to the way that you are positioning yourself in your market and approaching your market” they were absolutely open to it. And, at the time we came in, they were a baseball softball design company and their roots, as we went through the empathy framework with the leadership team, um we were able to help them come back to their roots which was they started products to help softball players, you know, play in beast mode but protect themselves, right?
LAURA: Yeah.
DANYA: These are young girls who are athletic and competitive, who are learning leadership skills on the field and in the team environment and the Rip-It products helped them to feel safe and beautiful and high-performance. And so we were able to bring them back to that, kind of, more of who they are and then dial into empathy with their customer. You know, how do you get a whole team of, you know, dudes–
LAURA: Yeah.
DANYA: –engineers, right, to understand, like, a preteen girl’s wants, needs, pains, migraine headaches?
LAURA: Right.
DANYA: But we did it.
LAURA: Wow.
DANYA: And, you know, within six months of the empathy framework implementation, they had already seen, you know, a couple million dollars in increased revenue as a direct result of applying the empathy framework.
[6:12]
LAURA: That is incredible. Oh my goodness.
DANYA: Yeah.
LAURA: Wow. Alright. That’s so cool. So, uh, quick, uh, it’s not even really a story. It’s just sort of a fact. So, um, you participated in a Leading a Grounded Life workshop that we did last year. That was the first cohort, you were one of the first people that I reached out to to join us for that and I’m really excited to hear about your experience with that in a moment but just to kind of almost come full circle, so Jason from Rip-It was in the third cohort that we just wrapped up last week, which was really, really great.
DANYA: And Matthew Delgado, right?
LAURA: Yeah, Matthew Delgado. Right, so–
DANYA: I love it.
LAURA: Oh yeah, and they were so great. I loved their presence in the group and I just love that we’re able to, you know, connect with some of the same really awesome founders.
DANYA: You know, I think that these, you know these people who have the shared value set, you know, growth-minded, openness–
LAURA: Oh, yeah.
DANYA: I think we’re gonna keep finding each other more and more.
LAURA: I know. I love it. It’s perfect. So, um, I really want to focus on you now, Shea, can you tell me when you really started your journey of introspection and self-awareness?
DANYA: Absolutely. So, um, that moment is crystal clear to me. I remember exactly where I was, what the weather was like, what was playing on the radio. I was in the car and I had done something that really hurt someone that I loved, a lot. And up until that point, in that relationship, I really kind of let myself be put on a pedestal and put myself on a pedestal for my spotless, you know, behavior, and it all kind of came crashing down, right, when I made a decision and made a choice that really hurt this person and I fell off of the pedestal, right, in their eyes and in my own eyes. And it was, it was painful–
LAURA: Oh yeah.
DANYA: –right, to fall down and crash like that. But also, that moment of clarity where I was like, “Oh, there’s this whole inner world that I have not been looking at or listening to or paying attention to.” That actually gave me a lot of hope and I was 25.
LAURA: 25.
DANYA: Yes, so this was 12 years ago. I remember that moment that I became focused, you know, on becoming self-aware, when I woke up.
LAURA: Yeah. Okay. So what types of things did you start to discover, then, when you began introspecting and going on that journey?
DANYA: Yeah. Man. I started discovering that I, um, had a lot of prerecorded kind of tapes, right, and stories—
[9:00]
LAURA: Oh, yeah.
DANYA: –that I was playing for myself over and over and over again. And those were not serving me–
LAURA: Like, do you have an example of one of these stories that’s playing, like, on a loop?
DANYA: Sure, um, you know I think an example is, is, you know, in my family of origin, right, with my siblings, I uh– you know, you have these, like, relational dynamics and this family dance that you, you know, you do as kids–
LAURA: Oh, yeah.
DANYA: –and then in, as adolescents and then as young adults and, um, you know, I was the–I’m the oldest of four–
LAURA: Okay.
DANYA: And so I was kind of like– and I’m also five years, seven years, and nine years older–
LAURA: Wow.
DANYA: –than my siblings.
LAURA: okay, so big gap.
DANYA: So I’m significantly– yeah, big gaps. So I was always kind of like the boss, right? And I was kind of like a second mom. And, as I got into adult years, I don’t need to be the boss and I don’t need to be the second mom, but I would tell myself these stories, right, that I was responsible, and I had to take care of them, and I had to, you know, play this kind of parental role in their lives as kind of a story that was coming forward from the past. And it’s just like, well that’s just not true. As a woman in your twenties, and they’re entering into their twenties now, and it’s just not true. Like, it’s a new story dynamic.
LAURA: Yeah. Okay, that’s a really good example. So, when you went through the Leading a Grounded Life workshop, what in particular stood out to you as really having an impact on you, your life, your relationships, your work?
DANYA: Um, every minute. Of the seven weeks. That was really, probably, the most fun workshop series I’ve ever gone through–
LAURA: Aww.
DANYA: –and, and I have to tell you I have spent six figures on self-improvement–
LAURA: Wow.
DANYA: –in going to workshops, and investing in self-awareness and growth, and personal development. Um, so it’s something that I really prioritize with my time and my money. But the Leading a Grounded Life workshop was, was just, it was so practical. Um, I had done a lot of work prior to the workshop and so I think, um, I was able to apply, you know, a lot of the exercises and the principles and the tools that you gave us. Um, but really, I think the language from week one was pretty awesome. And I’m using that language over and over and over again to kind of transfer these ideas quickly.
LAURA: So, tell me about that language. What does that mean?
DANYA: Yeah. That red zone, green zone idea.
LAURA: Okay.
DANYA: Right? It’s just very simple. It’s clean. There’s obviously depth of philosophy behind it all–
LAURA: Yeah.
DANYA: –but, you know, the colors, right, give people an instant feeling. So even if I’m interacting with somebody who doesn’t have that language, I can use that language and they pretty quickly get what I mean by it. Right. They’re able to kind of enter into the dialogue and engage with me in this conversation, um, and in consider maybe that they might not be very present or very self aware or participating, you know, with their defenses down.
[11:58]
LAURA: Yeah. So, tell us about red zone, green zone. How do you, just quickly– I’m not testing you! It’s not like a quiz.
DANYA: Oh no! And this is gonna be recorded.
LAURA: I’ll put my red pen away.
DANYA: Okay, thank you.
LAURA: But no, I would love to hear, you know, the– because if I do it, it’ll, I don’t know, be jargon-y or something like that maybe– but how do you describe it to people today?
DANYA: So, I think that, um, from Leading a Grounded Life, the language that you said that really stuck to me was, “When I’m red zoned, I feel like I have to look out for my best interests. And I feel like it’s me against you or me against them. When I’m green zoned, I feel like you and them, they, right, have my best interests in mind too–
LAURA: Yes.
DANYA: –So, while we might be struggling to get on the same page or struggling to find alignment, that’s not what determines the red zone, green zone for me.” As far as I understand it, right? It’s really like, “Do I have this sense of trust that we’re all working towards the same goal and that you’re looking out for me just as I’m looking out for you?” Or do I have this sense, this red zone sense of, it’s each man for himself and, you know, it’s survival of the fittest kind of mentality.
LAURA: Right. Okay. Yeah, so one of the lines I love to use around that is, “Green zone means I feel like we’re on the same team, even when we’re not on the same page. Even if we’re in disagreement, I don’t doubt for a second that we’re working together against whatever the problem is.” Yeah. That’s what I’m hearing you say.
DANYA: That’s so good.
LAURA: I’m not evaluating you, but like A plus.
DANYA: You grade
LAURA: Very good. It’s very good.
DANYA: Do I get a gold star? ‘Cause I’m really competitive.
LAURA: A gold star. Like five gold stars. So, how did that play out for you? Can you think about an example, maybe, or a situation where that played out in your, your life, your work?
DANYA: Yeah, absolutely. So, I have a fairly, you know, strong sense of when I’m getting emotional. Right? So I know what it feels like now when I, um, I get triggered.
LAURA: Okay.
DANYA: Right, so I feel like this rush in my brain, right, and the world kind of tilts a little bit for just a second, so I feel like physical sensations. And then I also have learned to become aware that, like, the tapes start playing.
LAURA: Yup.
DANYA: Right, like these old cassette tapes way back in my mind–
LAURA: Oh yeah.
DANYA: –right, that I’m like, “I thought I was so over the stories”
LAURA: They start to go.
DANYA: Yeah, they start to go, and so that’s a pretty good indicator for me that like, “Okay, you know, wait just a minute Shea. You’re getting over-emotional in this situation.”
LAURA: I really love that. And I’m sorry to interrupt you because I know you’re about to–
DANYA: It’s okay.
LAURA: –continue your thought but I feel like that’s such an important point, is being able to pay attention to physiological sensations. It’s one of the things that we, we focus on a lot and we talk about just notice. Just notice what’s going on because a lot of people start to shut down and they stop paying attention to any physiological anything going on in their body. They’re super in their head and what they’re missing out on is that early warning sign of, “Ooh, there are emotions happening for me here, and they’re not necessarily serving me. They’re probably going to undermine my effectiveness, so let me just check this out.”
[15:06]
DANYA: Yeah.
LAURA: So, it’s awesome that that’s a huge part of the self-awareness is–
DANYA: Totally.
LAURA: –you feel that and you go, “Okay. Hm.”
DANYA: And you know, I used to, I used to think that, um, it just is what it is, right?
LAURA: Yeah.
DANYA: Like, if I feel it, then that’s just what it is, right? And now I’m gonna have to deal with it and the world’s gonna have to deal with it. And then it was in my late twenties that, you know, someone kind of told me, “You know, the past is, it’s really just a story that you tell yourself.”
LAURA: Oh, yeah. Oh, that’s such a good line. And so true.
DANYA: And I get to pick what stories that past is gonna tell me and how it’s going to define me and how I’m going to bring that forward into my every day. And so, going through Leading a Grounded Life, and having this language to say, “red zone, green zone, open-minded, you know, growth mindset, triggers, defenses, boundaries,” right, like, having that language, bringing that forward along with this, this knowledge that I had of okay when my body reacts this way and I’m emotionally flooded, right, I need to have language beyond just saying, “Oh, I’m triggered. I’m flooded. I can’t be present. I’ve gotta excuse myself.” You know? Like, I’ve done that in the past, but I think having this additional language is saying, “Okay, wait a minute. I feel the sensations, you know, I’m definitely emotionally flooded, I’m not assuming the best about this person, I’m in this red zone place. Can I move to green zone? Can I trust? Yeah, yeah I think I can. You know, like, Laura’s demonstrated that she’s for me in the past. She’s probably for me right now, too.” Right? So having that language in work situations and family situations or friend situations has, has allowed me to recover from the emotional flooding or from the trigger a lot faster.
LAURA: That’s fantastic. So, do you have an example of a situation where you noticed that happening and you were able to make a switch?
DANYA: Oh, yeah. Well, first off, you know, in my twenties I think I just–
LAURA: One big trigger.
DANYA: Yeah, completely different. Um, I started out a career in property management in my early twenties and every time that I just let my emotions get the better of me, I would just leave the job. Right? It’s just: ultimatum, line in the sand. Fine, you know, my voice isn’t being heard, I don’t have influence here, things aren’t going my way, I’m, I’m out.
LAURA: Yeah, so we call that rigidity, right? And it happens to all of us.
DANYA: Highly rigid. And not aware that I was rigid. thinking, really, that I was just a victim of these awful circumstances.
LAURA: Oh, absolutely. Yup.
DANYA: So now, being in my thirties and especially from having graduated, you know, Leading a Grounded Life, I had this really interesting situation. Um, it was actually with my siblings. We’re really close and we love sharing life together. And from way, way, way back, you know, in my teens and twenties, I can of had to develop this story that, um, I wasn’t as important to my baby sister as our middle sister was. Right? And that was just a childhood story and I didn’t really realize that it was still going on because we’ve really enjoyed a couple years of like, great, mature, adult relationships. Well, I got a text through from the baby sister that said, and it was to me and my middle sister, and it said, “Hey, not gonna be able to be there for your son’s birthday thing. This other thing has come up.” And as soon as I read it, the world tilted, I got the rush in the brain, like I’m not as important because I know a few weeks later the middle sister’s son’s birthday thing is coming up and she’s definitely gonna be there for that. She would move hell and high water to be there for that, right? So all the tapes—
LAURA: That’s a story.
DANYA: All the tapes. Story started playing and I was just like, “Oh my goodness. Okay. Hold on Shea. You’re definitely red zoned.” I wanted to just be reactionary and I was feeling very rigid in my opinion and my perspective and my response. But thankfully, I was able to say, “Let’s put the phone down. Let’s not respond for a minute.”
LAURA: Oh, that’s so smart.
DANYA: Yeah, let’s walk around.
LAURA: Just pause.
DANYA: Yeah, just pause.
LAURA: Just wait a second.
[19:20]
DANYA: Yup. And just, just for a second wait for that flooded feeling to kind of pass. Um, now the tapes hadn’t stopped playing, but the physical sensation was ebbing away. So then I was able to pick back up my phone and look at the message. It wasn’t what she was saying at all. She was actually telling the middle sister that she was going to be missing her son’s, one of her son’s events, not mine. And so it was completely — the reality of the situation was completely the opposite of what I interpreted it to be when I was in, kind of, that defensive, rigid place.
LAURA: But you had that story. You had that story so your brain saw almost what it wanted to see because we love–
DANYA: Totally.
LAURA: –’cause we love to be right. The whole idea like your brain sees what it wants to see, so you would think, well you wouldn’t want to see that. You wouldn’t want to see that she can’t make it to your son’s birthday thing. But, actually, when it confirms the story that’s been playing in your head for however long, part of your brain actually does like that feeling of being right and so it just hops in your mind, you think you know exactly what’s going on, when, oh my gosh, it was the total opposite.
DANYA: It was the total opposite!
LAURA: That’s crazy.
DANYA: IT’s like, I almost responded like a total–
LAURA: Yeah. Wow. Oh, that’s a great example. Okay. You know, so the Leading a Grounded Life workshop, it’s always a public offering, at least up to this point. I haven’t taken it inside to client organizations and part of the reason is because I love to bring together people like you that are interested in introspecting and self-awareness and continuous growth and development and allow them to connect with each other. You know, and we have the monthly meet-ups that we do every month–that was redundant– so that people from the different cohorts can meet and people from other programs, like Human Element and * Collaboration can all meet and come together and have those kinds of bonds. And so, in reality, even the work that I do with my clients that’s work specific, I find that they tell me it has a really positive impact on their personal life and their personal relationships. You know, Leading a Grounded Life, people often are, you know, checking in and talking about and processing through things happening in their personal life and they start to go, “Wait a second. Isn’t this, is this not about work? What’s going on here?”
DANYA: Yeah.
LAURA: And what I love about your story and your example is, yeah, it’s personal life, but that type of thing happens for us all the time. It does affect us in our professional life and whatever that story is that you’re telling yourself about maybe I’m not as important as I want to be to this person, the likelihood that that same pattern shows up in the workplace, especially if there’s anybody that even reminds you a little bit of your sister–
DANYA: Oh yeah.
LAURA: –it’s absolutely gonna happen there. So, even when people have, you know, insights or breakthroughs in their personal life, it absolutely has a positive impact on work as well and effectiveness. All of that.
DANYA: Yeah. I think I remember you sharing a story about a client not responding to an email. Right? And I’ve had that exact same situation, right, with, with different authority figures or clients where, um, I feel like they’re not prioritizing my input, right? Or my request. And then the story plays, right, that I’m not significant enough, I’m not worthy enough, right, I’m not important enough. And having this language and having these tools helps me to not make a complete disaster—
[22:49]
LAURA: An emotional mess.
DANYA: –of a completely innocent and probably opposite work scenario.
LAURA: I know. I, I’ve had enough examples and situations occur where I’m totally telling myself a story. This person is blowing me off because they’re not interested in my help, they don’t want to hire me. I totally make it all about me and that’s a very natural, human thing to do. It sounds very ego-centric. And how refreshing it’s been for me to reality check that story and go, “You know what, so I also work with a lot of forward thinking founders, and they’re kind of busy. I don’t know if you’ve noticed that. They kind of have a lot going on.” And often, if I was able to follow up a third time or a fourth time or you know run into them in person, the greeting that I would get from them would be, “Oh my gosh, it’s so great to see you.”
DANYA: “Thank you so much for staying on top of me. I wanted to follow through on this!”
LAURA: Absolutely. Yeah. There was one CEO I was so excited to work with and it wasn’t moving forward as quickly as I wanted to and then I saw her at an event and she was there with somebody else and the introduction that she gave was, “Oh, this is Laura Gallaher. She’s gonna be coming in to work with our team.” Blah, blah, blah. You know, I’m like, “Oh, am I?”
DANYA: “I’ll send you the contract right now!”
LAURA: “I didn’t know that was happening.” Because at least part of me was telling myself this story that, “Well, I don’t know. She’s blowing me off. It’s not gonna happen.” So I’ve made a lot of progress on that front and recognizing, “Hang on. That’s just a narrative. And that’s probably not what’s going on.” And you know what, even if it is, I can cope with that.
DANYA: Absolutely.
LAURA: Because there are so many forward thinking founders and leaders who are interested in this work. So it’s helped me calm down quite a bit.
DANYA: That’s beautiful.
LAURA: Yeah. So, thank you for the example. Reminded me of my own. So, is there anything else that you want to– let me think how I want to phrase this question. I think what I want to know is what is even one simple tip that you could give to the listeners to help them in the same way that you feel like this work around self-awareness has helped you?
DANYA: Hm. A tip. Well, um, I think kind of like an a-ha moment that I had around it and then a tip. Can I share two things?
LAURA: Oh, please.
DANYA: Okay. So, I think that there’s a little bit of a reality check that I wish I had earlier in my journey, because I kind of had this pressure on myself that the journey of self-awareness would be this, you know, this beautiful, peaceful, idyllic ascension, you know, into bliss.
LAURA: Wouldn’t that be great?
DANYA: And I didn’t realize that it is actually like the violent tearing down, right, of these old habit ways of thinking. And I wasn’t quite ready for that experience of, of really how it changed my worldview and my perspective. So I resisted some of the tearing down and rebuilding, and I think I dragged the process out a little longer than it needed to be.
[26:07]
LAURA: Oh, wow.
DANYA: Does that make sense?
LAURA: Oh, so much sense. Yeah. I love that. That’s a really good point.
DANYA: The wrecking ball would come in and I’d be, “No, no, no, not this yet!” Right? Whereas if I’d known, no this is actually this beautiful disaster is what this self-awareness journey is supposed to look like and then the rebuilding is so solid.
LAURA: Yeah.
DANYA: It’s deep roots. It is a firm foundation.
LAURA: Yes, absolutely stronger and better than the version of you that you had before.
DANYA: That’s right. And it, the rebuilding and the re-growth feels eternal to me. You know, it feels everlasting. It feels like nothing and no one could ever shake what has been laid in this new foundation.
LAURA: Wow. That’s powerful.
DANYA: Yeah. But I couldn’t get to that new place of building the new foundation because I was resisting, you know, the tearing down for so long. So that’s kind of just an “a-ha” moment that I had that I would encourage others to embrace.
LAURA: So, yeah. And well, so what just came up for me as you were describing that is when I tell people what does it take to do this work and really grow as a person in this way, more than anything it’s courage. It’s not about knowledge or education–
DANYA: Scared.
LAURA: –it’s just courage. It’s like, if you feel a little bit afraid or even a lot afraid of where you’re going and what’s coming up, then I think you’re on a good path. And, you know, be brave and step into it.
DANYA: Yeah, yeah. I don’t know that it’s true for everyone, but for me, my destiny is always on the other side of the door of fear.
LAURA: Oh yeah.
DANYA: Every time. When I’m afraid of something, that’s exactly what I know I have to do, and every time I go through that door it’s like, “Oh my gosh!” It’s just like a treasure trove of goodness that fear was keeping me from.
LAURA: And so, do you find it easier then, the next time, to go, “Oh I’m really scared, but I know–
DANYA: I know. It’s just, it’s still just freaking hard. It’s just scary every time.
LAURA: Yeah.
DANYA: And I think that it becomes more of a habit, so I definitely, there’s less resistance to me taking the fear — the action through the fear. So, I definitely take the action more easily now, but facing the fear–
LAURA: Yeah.
DANYA: –it’s still big, scary, black fear.
LAURA: I know.
DANYA: You know? Dark. That I have to face.
LAURA: You have to have– fear has to be present to even have courage. So, I get it. It doesn’t get less scary–
DANYA: Right.
LAURA: It just becomes, “Okay, I’m terrified, but I’m gonna
DANYA: –to be terrified.
LAURA: Yeah it’s hard to get used to this terrifying feeling. I can, I can handle it.
[28:46]
DANYA: Yeah. And I notice that if I spent too much time not taking courageous action, it becomes, I resist it more. So, it’s much harder to face that–
LAURA: Okay.
DANYA: –fear. It takes longer. So my tip is kind of related to that. And that is, that we really, my tip is that we, we have this growth mindset and this self-awareness journey in community with each other. Right? I don’t think that I will ever go too long without being part of some sort of a workshop or group or, um, you know, having friends where we have this intentional conversation, we have this shared language because it is a muscle that will absolutely atrophy if it’s neglected.
LAURA: Yeah.
DANYA: And while things be–are becoming habit ways of thinking, right, just like you know eating healthy becomes a habit way, but then there’s that one bad day where you compromise and you have that cheeseburger and then all you crave for the next week is cheeseburgers. And so, um, I think that there’s just a certain level of, of this journey has to be done in community. And I think that that’s something that I’ve just been so grateful for with the Leading a Grounded Life workshop and, and the meet-up is just, I know where to find these people.
LAURA: Yes. I know. And I love that I continue to find more of them. There’re so, so many great people in the community and therefore I certainly assume in the world, that are on this journey. And I, I love knowing that I’m not alone whenever I’m dealing with these fears. And that’s one of the most common threads that I hear in these groups, is the deeper people go, the more open they are, the more courageous they are, the more vulnerable they are, the more they realize, “Oh my gosh, these people are just like me.” They have the same fears that I do. And it actually becomes a lot less scary at that point, at least for me.
DANYA: Yeah. Especially when you look at it like, “She’s so badass! She’s done such cool things! he’s been so successful! And you faced that too? You were scared too?” What?
LAURA: Yeah. Which is part of why I love that you are here on the show today, because you are somebody– I have never in my life heard anybody say a single bad thing about you.
DANYA: You just haven’t talked to the right people.
LAURA: No, I mean, you’re, you’re a pillar in this community. You know, people love and respect you. They adore you. They look up to you. You’re somebody that’s just a light in so many people’s lives and in their world and for you to come on a show like this and talk about your own vulnerabilities and your own journey and, you know, your own weaknesses and some of the things that you’re still working on, I think inspires other people and helps them go, “Oh wow. ‘Cause, man, she is a badass. I had no idea that she also has fear. Or that she has to work on herself to get where she is.”
DANYA: Oh yeah.
LAURA: So thank you so much for being here.
DANYA: Thank you so much for having me. It’s really an incredible honor and in really good company.
[31:32]
Outro: Hey…you’re still here! If you want to learn more about Leading a Grounded Life, please check out the website: blog.gallaheredge.com/grounded to sign up for updates and register for the next offering. Thanks for listening…and for supporting the show! Since you’re still here, I’d love to ask for a favor – would you please rate this show on iTunes? It’s one of the best ways to help others find the show, and I’d love to get this message out to as many people in the world as possible. Also, maybe you want to send this episode to somebody that you think could benefit from listening. Thanks for all your support….we’ll talk again soon.
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